I was watching Hamilton last night when the song “The World Turned Upside Down” came on. The title moved me because that phrase sums up the last ten months in America neatly. Scratch that; the past four years.
I feel as if we’ve been living in a complicated, emotionally draining, kind of scary dream. It’s the type of dream where you wake up, sweaty- heart racing and frantically examining the room. Assuring yourself that you’re back in reality now, nothing will hurt you. It’s the kind of dream that when you tell your friends about it they ask what you ate before bed because only an upset stomach or two shots of Hennesey in your apple juice could bring on that type of Hellscape. The American Dream has become ugly.
America has not transformed, mind you; this ugliness was always here, just beneath the surface festering. That is what happens when you refuse to uncover the problem and instead bury it in mountains of Feel Good Campaigns, Cheery songs, Diversity Training (but never just diversity), and Equality posters: it rots. Sometimes things come along to expedite the necrosis; enter Donald Trump, the living embodiment of America’s gangrene. He is arrogant and impatient and dull and hateful and petty and dishonest. He is the worst of all of us in a too-big suit, wrapped in an off-kilter toupee. My most ardent prayer for his supporters is that they seek professional counseling. My biggest hope for Donald Trump is a lengthy prison sentence. His supporter’s continued acceptance of his worsening behaviors is not surprising; I am surprised at the apparent inability of his supporters to admit how bad he is for America, though. Worse is the back and forth of Independent voters who keep pretending as if there is a difficult choice to be made. As if his opponent being old and white is the equivalent of him being a raping misogynistic virulent racist. As if they just can not understand the difference. How? Is their dissonance part of this collective nightmare? I had to find out.
Today I did something I refused to do for months; I read the comment sections. Yes, I am both filthy and washed clean (from the searing hate fires) and have emerged with the number one question on the lips of the deplorable living amongst us. Their rallying cry if you will:
“What, exactly, has Donald Trump done to influence or impact your life in a negative manner?”
I saw this asked over and over. While I did see responses to this question, they were mostly of the “duh, do you even go here?” variety. I am positive part of why this question went unanswered is that this question is in itself a little offensive: why is it wrong for me to be concerned about Immigrants at the border simply because I am not an immigrant? “…to the least of my brothers..” and all that. Still, this was interesting to me because while it was a simple question even I had to pause and consider it. How EXACTLY has this President and his Administration lessened my quality of life? How EXACTLY have we been impacted by his policies, actions, and rhetoric? What noticeable changes have we undergone? I know my answer but I wanted to hear more, so I asked.
The following series contains quotes from friends, neighbors, teachers, colleagues, and strangers who are People of Color, parents of Brown children, members of the LGBTQ community, and other non-cis folks (the folks living inside the space these decisions create every day) discussing the impact the last four years have had on their lives. Beneath each text are links from reputable sources discussing the situations these Americans find themselves in. It is my hope you will take a moment and read them, listen to them, learn them, and remember them when you cast your vote for the future of America. Here are Texts from the Inside.
Anonymous- “..Paying bills on my now adjusted salary has been a struggle. The city turned off my electricity. I asked about the supposed “freeze” on disconnecting utilities and was told by that they are an independent company and make their own rules. My son had to break his lease and move home when college classes all went virtual and is being hounded by his former landlord for fees that are damaging his credit and messing up his start in the world. The most heartbreaking part for me is the destination wedding that I’ve planned for years had to be canceled; I was supposed to reunite with my birth Mother and a Sister I’ve never met then. If this had been taken seriously in February, when we were first learning about it- when Donald Trump knew it was much more dangerous than we anticipated, this wouldn’t be happening.
https://time.com/5884556/power-cuts-coronavirus/
Scott, Cincinnati, 35 – “..What feels worse is I have lost people that I thought were friends and have been alienated by former allies. Sure, it is good that I found out their true colors but it sucks knowing those people had that hate in their heart and hid it. That’s what this Presidency and Administration have taken from me: the feeling like it’s all of us in this together.
I LOVE this country. I HATE what it has become. It has gone from “United we Stand” to literally, “Fuck everyone and everything you see. Get yours and everyone else can be damned.” and that is not how we thrive as a Country. It’s just a shitty feeling overall.”
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-38149406
https://time.com/5647304/white-nationalist-terrorism-united-states/
https://www.insider.com/karen-compilation-timeline-white-women-racism-2020-6
Anonymous– I’m not saying he’s a racist but he’s certainly acting like one. By the way; that question was about the Proud Boys, whose membership numbers skyrocketed after he refused to denounce them by name. These are the same terrorists threatening to stand watch at the polls on election night at his behest while he’s subtly refusing to make a peaceful transition.
His biggest failure has to be the pandemic. Other Presidents and administrations have faced health crises on their watch but we saw our way through them with competent leadership. We can’t even get him to agree that we need to wear masks when we leave the house. I feel he isn’t and was never qualified to be president, and it shows.
https://time.com/5609622/trump-central-park-five-apology/
Anonymous- Rose Mallinger died on October 27, 2018. She was 97 years old and had lived through the Nazi uprising and WW2. She was killed in her place of worship by a man that believed in hate. President Trump gave us nothing but his thoughts and prayers. After that tragedy, a very nice man with a gun would greet us at the synagogue as we entered and be the last one to leave after we left. It was for our safety, yet we still felt scared. No one from our government was denouncing hate groups in our defense and no one was calling this fringe of our society out. It makes you feel as if no one cares. You feel as if the world thinks it is okay for us to be targeted. I was told to “blend in” for a while. Sadly, it was valid advice. Even in that, I’m lucky; other’s with different skin color or foreign accents cannot.
– Toledo Psychiatric Social Worker As a social worker, I’ve seen many psychiatric patients admitted specifically because of Donald Trump – the fear and hate that he has put out and built his whole presidency on – I’ve seen its direct effects on mental health.
https://time.com/5839553/un-action-mental-health-crisis/
COVID-19, Mental Health, and the 2020 Election: A Review of Candidate Platforms
Anonymous– It is almost too emotionally overwhelming to put the damage Trump has done to our society in words. The past four years have been increasingly frightening and saddening. It is depressing that I have learned people I considered friends, acquaintances, or if nothing else an ally for equality have shown that they are not. The fact that when the going gets tough, people will choose their conveniences over my literal livelihood and my family’s safety is too glaring to ignore. We learned about this type of behavior through metaphors our grandparents shared..they lived through some real shit. To realize that we are experiencing that same reality makes me want to shut my kids inside and never leave the house.
A cousin lives close and our grandparent’s old phrase “you don’t need friends, you got family” really rings true today. While I love and cherish my friends deeply; the past four years have shown that while I can not always count on everyone to promote and amplify the causes and candidates that ensure safe passage for us in the world, my family will be there. I hold on to that deeply.
Anonymous- At the beginning of Donald Trump’s administration, my Mexican American children got instantly thrust into the overt horror of American Racism on steroids. They saw news story after news story about people who looked like them, from their ancestry, getting locked up in cages and made to look like criminals. We know that these bigoted thoughts get passed down from parent to child so I wondered about the perception their classmates had of them. Did they subconsciously see them as ‘illegal’, criminal, or less than? No doubt, some of them did believe this consciously. Their president said these thoughts out loud all the time.
https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-37230916
Anonymous- When Trump was elected my kids weren’t privy to the national injustice of racism and bigotry that pervades our country. Nor were any of us prepared for the worst that had yet come. Fast forward a few years later and my kids are now not only witnessing those national injustices play out in front of them for the first time, but they are seeing it fueled and funneled out of one specific person: The President. My 11 year old asked, “Why does every racist seem to stand behind Trump?” Racism has a face for them. How do you erase that?
Anonymous- My initial thought was that he hasn’t impacted us negatively. To explain: I have a secure government job, his administration and plans got us a nice raise plus 12 weeks paid maternity leave- which was huge. I’m white and my husband is black. Still- he is light enough to pass so we don’t exactly live in fear that he won’t survive a routine traffic stop and while I do have mixed children, they seem to get a pass in society because they are still young and pretty girls. Then I considered the effect he has on us outside of our actual immediate household and finances. I thought of my friends who are Black or have Black sons; they live in real fear for their children and I live in that fear with them.
While I don’t believe Trump is racist (He is xenophobic, certainly), his words and actions encourage already racist people to show their true colors openly, comfortably, and violently. My relationship with my mother and her side of the family is now strained. While they claim they are not racist, they most assuredly are, and until now I had just written them off as innocently ignorant. Then Breonna Taylor happened. Upon hearing the news, my mother actually said: “let’s wait and see what the investigation turns up “.
Umm, what? Breonna was killed, in her bed, sleeping. What is there to investigate? That was the moment I realized how dangerous my mother and people like her are. To rationalize and justify the blatant killing of an innocent person just blew my mind. What if that was my daughter? Would she still excuse it? Or does she get a pass because she’s family- the way my husband gets a pass for his proximity to me?
https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2019/11/opinions/fractured-states-of-america/part-one-fredrick/
Aya A. Khalil, 32 – I’ll never forget when in 2015, a man at a town hall event with Trump said: “We have a problem in this country. It’s called Muslim.” Trump continues to nod and agree. Trump didn’t create Islamophobia and racism, but over the past couple of years, my Muslim friends and family have been on edge. Again, in 2015, he said that America needs to “watch and study the mosques.” Later on, he called to ban all Muslims from entering the US. The list goes on and on. I worry about my kids and their future. I try to raise them as unapologetic Muslim Americans but Trump makes it harder and harder each day.
