Ah, Fall! Apple Cider or Squash, Nutmeg and Cinnamon coffee (for the basic among us); Crisp and colorful leaves blanket the ground as the kids head to school where they’ll pick up new, varied and interesting Germs. Germs everywhere. It is a well known FACT that the first few months of the School year are absolutely riddled with mystery bugs and snotty noses. Especially if this is your child’s first exposure to other adorable, tiny germ factories the classroom like it is for us. Savannah started Pre-K 3 this month and within two weeks of her first day she missed a whole week’s worth of school thanks to some ridiculous cold that manages to give all the symptoms of the common cold while taking none of the energy colds usually sap from adults. She managed to pass it on to her brother and a friend we watch a few days a week. Y’all. I don’t even think I took enough college credits to handle this situation effectively. I’ve boiled toys, I’ve rotated pillowcases, I’m currently spreading dollops of Purell on my entire hand/upper arm region every time I graze a child. Every time someone leaves their seat, I give that seat a generous spray of Lysol. Move your feet, loose your seat, kids. Earlier, while replacing couch cushions for the eighth time today, I noticed a glistening line on the arm of the couch and then several more heading towards the back.
“SNAILS! GOTDAMN SNAILS!” I instantly thought, “It must have tried to come inside for the Winter”. Which is just the most perfect example of how my mind works.
*Sees a trail of slimy liquid. Physically understands she’s inside of a house. Has never seen a snail inside the house. Isn’t sure she’s even seen a snail since 1996. Has no idea about the hibernation habits of snails.*
Her: Snails. I’m 100% sure this is snails.
It wasn’t snails. It WAS my clearly half goat children leaving snot smears all over the couch as what I’ve come to believe is a welcome gesture to other goat children.
