I love ALL holiday’s. All of the decorating and optimism speaks to a small, small voice inside. I usually keep it buried beneath sarcasm and inappropriate jokes about genitalia but if you move all the darkness you’ll see it- my shiny inner child. She loves Love and she wants to tell the world about it. We decorate the house and do all the crafts. We make cookies and brownies and dress all in red. We make pizzas and give gifts and just love on each other, it’s pretty sappy and I love it. Savannah started school last year so we’ve had the added fun of making a Valentine’s box for her exchange this year. Actually, I have the added fun of making TWO boxes because if Savannah has a Valentine’s box you know Miles has to have one too.
When I was a kid I never had these kinds of things. My parents never delivered flowers to school or dropped off lunch. All my Valentine’s came out of a box my mother would dutifully purchase the night before. All of my school party treats and Valentine’s came home in a plastic grocery bag. I wasn’t sad about it; even as a kid I knew my mom had four kids to take care of on her one income and with just twenty four hours in each day- sixteen of which she was typically working the time didn’t pan out for special deliveries- not to mention the cost. I did, however, vow that when I became a parent I would go the extra mile and make the effort to make these days special. It’s funny how we forget those kinds of things, little promises and declarations we make to ourselves in youth become forgotten as soon as puberty eases it’s grip on our bodies. Monday night our area was hit with an ice storm that knocked out power out Tuesday morning. We live in Ohio so staying overnight in a powerless house in February when not an option. We we’re blessed enough to be able to stay overnight in a comfortable hotel. As I was tucking my kids into bed I remembered the project I was supposed to do. I promised Savannah I’d make her a unicorn box for her Valentine’s. “She’ll be fine. She betta take this Kroger bag and keep it pushing” I told myself. It wasn’t until later, as I drifted off to sleep that my “thankful quote” (one I draw on when I’m feeling selfish or ungrateful) popped into my mind, “Remember when you used to pray for what you currently have”. It always hits me square in the chest. I remember being on my knees and praying for my children. Not for them now, just for them to exist. I prayed for my boyfriend, not for Kenny himself- we were just internet friends, but for a man who could lead. Who could provide for his family both financially and emotionally. I realized last night that I have all the things I wanted, and more. I’ve been blessed with a partner who understands how important mothering is to me, with someone who loves me enough to let me be and shoulders the burden of providing for our family while I nurture it. I remembered my promise to not take my opportunities for granted. So, today, amid the chaos of unpacking and getting the house straightened up, we made Valentine’s boxes. I hate when life convicts me and shit.
